Memories
by Princess Anastasia Vladescu
Summary: Arthur is having dreams about when he raised Alfred, sad dreams. When they become daydreams, Alfred starts to worry and wonder what's on his elder's mind. UsUk. Yaoi. I'm not a history buff, but I tried to be accurate. Be nice, this is my first Hetalia fanfic. I suck at summaries and you have been warned. Rate and review.
1. Chapter 1

Pain. So much pain. It will never end, will it? It will always be like this. The world will crush him, force him to bow. He will endure it, however. He has to. He has to for the one who holds a special place in his heart. He knew that person didn't need him, but he needed that person. More than he needed air.

England smiled as the breeze hit his face. He had been in this new world for two weeks, and he had yet to feel a drop of rain. It was nice, the summer wind was warm, and although he could feel the humidity rising, it was comfortable. He had taken a rest from chasing young Alfred everywhere. That child sure could wear the older man out. Although Alfred seemed to consider Arthur as an older brother, for some reason, Arthur couldn't think of them as brothers. The love he felt was different.

Eventually he heard the little rustle in the bushes, signaling Alfred's approach. He came bounding out of the trees, giggling.

"Iggy~! You were 'uppost to catch me!" He pouted cutely.

"I'm sorry, Alfred. You're too fast for this old man to catch!" He smiled.

"Iggy….!" Alfred pouted. "You aren't old!" Arthur smiled.

"Well, thank you, love. Let's get some dinner~" That made Alfred smile big.

"Yay! Food!"

Later that night, Arthur had just finished reading Alfred a story. He had read a story he had written himself about the flying mint bunny.

"Alright, time for bed. Sleep well, Alfred. I'll see you in the morning" Arthur smiled as Alfred gave him a big hug.

"Promise you'll never leave?"

"Promise."

Arthur came to his senses as Germany started yelling at Italy to quiet down. He saw France looking at him with a concerned expression and Arthur shrugged him off and mouthed the words: 'later'. Although Francis was a fucking frog and a putrid shit beard, he did know Arthur better than anyone else. He could trust him with most things.

He saw Alfred follow Francis' gaze and their eyes connected. Alfred looked confused, and Arthur almost immediately looked away. He couldn't look at him with the image of the little child still fresh in his mind.

Alfred shifted uncomfortably. He didn't like it when Iggybrows looked upset. He looked over at Francis who just shook his head. It must just be an old man thing. He looked at the doodles of aliens and spaceships on his paper and he noticed the little bunny he drew. It had wings and a cute face. He couldn't help but think of the flying mint bunny story England told him often when he was a child. He smiled halfway before returning to his doodles.

Francis caught up with Arthur as the meeting room filed out. They stepped into an empty conference room.

"Mon ami, you're having flashbacks again. I can see it on your face when you are spaced out…" Francis gave Arthur a concerned look. "What is it this time?"

"Alfred…I keep having daydreams about when he was a child…and nightmares about when he left…" Arthur sighed and leaned against the big window, overlooking the parking lot and the rest of the UN. He saw Alfred high five little Sealand, who was sitting in a fetal position under a tree, and smiled halfway.

"Maybe you should confront Alfred about this. I'm sure he would understand..."

"No. He can never know, Francis!" Arthur snapped suddenly. "I don't even know why these memories are bothering me, and the last thing I need is that little twat mocking me for it!" Arthur didn't mean anything he said, but he felt that Francis would try something stupid. If he were going to talk to Alfred about it, he would have already. Francis knew how his friend was when he felt threatened, or when he got defensive, so he decided to drop it.

"Well, if you ever need to talk, mon ami, I am here…" Francis patted Arthur's back and walked out, leaving the older nation watching his colleagues through the window.

"This will all get better…Things like this always went away somehow…."

Alfred yawned. Today had been a long day for him, and he never did get the chance to talk to Arthur…He couldn't find him. He couldn't find France to ask him what was up either. He felt something boil angrily as his imagination ran wild. What if that frog bastard was taking advantage of England's distracted state!? That was when a hero like him needed to step in. Alfred ran up the stairs and he looked around.

"Arthur? You in here?" He could faintly hear someone crying in one of the conference rooms. He bursted in only to see his former caretaker in a fetal position near the window, tears streaking his face.

"W-wha…!? G-get out of here you bloody twit…!" Arthur hid his face and wiped his eyes. Why is it every time he needs a moment, someone just has to burst in? And _why in the bloody fuck did it have to be America!?_

Arthur attempted to hide his tearstained face from the younger nation, but it was too late. Alfred lifted Arthur's face, making the elder nation blush slightly.

"What's wrong? Did that bastard France hurt you!?" Arthur blinked and after a moment, he started to laugh. At first, Alfred was happy that Arthur's tears were almost gone, but eventually, he wondered if his elder had gone insane.

"Of course not, you bloody pervert! How could you think that? That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard out of your mouth!" Arthur had a hard time controlling his laughter. Alfred bristled angrily.

"W-well, I was just trying to help! What else was I supposed to think when I saw you in here crying after France left? He's the perv!" Alfred huffed. Arthur finally stopped laughing after a few moments.

"I'm sorry, but it was just too funny!"

"So, why were you crying anyway?" Arthur quieted and his face fell. He really didn't want this conversation. Alfred was waiting patiently for a response that Arthur really didn't want to give. After a moment, he finally decided to man up and spit it out.

"I-I was thinking about the old days….w-when you were young…." Alfred blinked.

"You still remember that….? That was a long time ago, bro…" Alfred still didn't understand why he had been crying. "But why were you crying…?" Arthur looked away.

"I miss the way we were…I was so happy then…" Alfred was still confused.

"But why are you upset over the happy stuff? Shouldn't that make you smile, and not cry?" Arthur growled and grabbed Alfred's collar.

"I'm upset because those times are gone and yet I can't stop thinking about them! It isn't fair! You're so happy all the time! I don't understand why I'm cursed with these stupid feelings and not you!" Arthur knew he had said too much, but at this point he didn't care. He was too upset and frustrated. He couldn't stand being so caught up in the past. Alfred gently pulled Arthur's hands away from his shirt.

"W-well…You have to look ahead, ya know, to the future…If you wallow in the past, you won't get anywhere…" Arthur couldn't believe the wise words coming from Alfred. He usually acted so dimwitted and spacy.

"But doing so is hard…." Arthur let himself sink back into sadness. Now that he had spilled everything that he had been trying to hide, he didn't care about looking vulnerable.

"C'mon…Let's get something to eat and I'll take you home.

"Okay…"

All through dinner, Arthur was silent and Alfred kept a worried gaze on him. It wasn't until Arthur got home that he said anything.

"Thank you for being so kind…" Arthur wouldn't look at him. "Y-you won't tell anyone about this…will you?"

"Not if you don't want me to…" Alfred didn't know why the urge was bugging him, but he figured he might as well go for it. He pressed his lips gently to Arthur's for a short moment before pulling away.

"See ya tomorrow, dude…!" Alfred jogged to his car and waved before pulling out of the driveway, leaving Arthur standing there, stunned and blushing deeply. What had just happened? Had Alfred really kissed him? And if he had, then why?

Alfred drove in silence. No music, no talk radio, nothing. He was flushed and his heart was racing from kissing Arthur. He still didn't know what came over him. He drove to his hotel, not meeting anyone's eyes as he went up to his room. He felt…dirty doing that to Arthur when he was in such a fragile state. Why had he kissed him? Why did that urge nag at him all through dinner? And why did he like kissing him? He was a guy, and he liked girls. At least he thought he did. Maybe he was like Italy…He liked girls, but he was with Germany. He just needed to think. He needed to think.

The next day, Alfred wanted to confront Arthur about what happened the night before. They both had to travel to Paris for the next meeting in a week. So why not go together? Alfred knocked on the door and a very groggy Arthur answered.

"Alfred? You have been here long enough to adjust to the time change, so you should know how early it is…"

"Well, I was thinking about the trip we have to take to Paris…Would you like to come with me? It'd be a lot better than going alone…" Arthur blinked and stared at Alfred for a moment before shaking his head.

"Are you serious? You want to travel to Paris with me?"

"I'm serious as a heart attack, dude! I think it would be fun!" Arthur huffed quietly. Alfred was acting so strange.

"Fine. But I swear, if you annoy me once with your talking, I will tape your mouth shut…" Arthur could already tell something was going to go wrong.

As Arthur had predicted, something did go wrong. After they took a ferry across the English channel, their car broke down and they were forced to get a hotel room as it was fixed.

"I can't believe they gave us a bum car!" Alfred huffed and plopped on the one bed. "I'll sleep on the chair so you can have the bed…" Arthur sighed.

"No…I'll take the chair…" Alfred pulled Arthur onto the bed.

"To keep us from arguing, why don't we share a bed?" Arthur blushed.

"That's highly improper!"Arthur tried to cover his blush with his hair. Alfred noticed his elder's blush and almost blushed. _Why the fuck does he have to be so flipping _cute _for a guy?_ Alfred thought to himself. _Maybe I can get away with another kiss…_Alfred really did blush at this thought. Why was he planning on kissing him again? Why would he _want _to?

Arthur looked up at Alfred and saw his 'deep in thought' face. He noticed the slight blush on the younger man's features and figured he was thinking of _why _sleeping in the same bed was improper. He was completely shocked when Alfred suddenly pressed his lips hard to his own.

At first, Arthur was completely stunned still. After he was able to snap out of it, he couldn't make himself push the young man away. He felt like his entire mind was coated in fog. His heart was racing a mile a minute. It took his body a moment, but soon he was kissing Alfred back. He felt so heated; he needed this more than his brain could comprehend.

Alfred struggled with the buttons on Arthur's shirt. He was so nervous, it wasn't like he was a virgin, but at last he could have sex with the one he loved. It was years after the revolution until he finally realized what the feelings he had were. Originally, he rejected the idea entirely. What kind of person would fall in love with the man who used to be his big brother? He felt it was sick and wrong, and he knew Arthur would reject it.

Now, he felt like Arthur was finally accepting him, accepting his love. Maybe that's why he had been having those dreams about when Alfred was a child. Maybe he still had some unrequited love for his former colony.

The warmth that was growing in Arthur's heart suddenly ran cold as a thought entered his mind. It put a huge block of ice in his stomach.

_What if after this Alfred left him again? What if he just wanted to use him and leave? _The entire thought made Arthur push Alfred away suddenly. It shocked Alfred. Did he do something wrong?

"A-Arthur…? Are you okay? D-did I do something wrong?" Alfred saw the budding tears in Arthur's eyes and instantly backed off.

"You're just going to use me and then leave me again, aren't you!? Just like you did then!" Alfred blinked, and after a moment he realized what Arthur was talking about.

"A-Arthur…I-I did that…not only because I was pissed about all of the taxes your king put on us, and all that other stuff but…I-I…I was afraid that if you stayed around I-I would love you like more than a brother…" Alfred wasn't used to acknowledging his feelings like this. His face flushed a slight pink as he spoke. Arthur was speechless. He knew what his king had wanted from the colonists was wrong, and he understood Alfred's desire for independence, but Alfred had acted so coldly to him during the entire ordeal and that made him think that Alfred didn't care for him anymore.

"I-I guess I was wrong about separation keeping that from happening, huh…?" Arthur hugged Alfred suddenly and tightly.

"R-really…? You mean all of that!?" Alfred hugged him back.

"Of course I do, dude…Why would I lie about something like that?" He kissed Arthur again lightly and climbed on top of him. This time, Arthur wasn't shocked into stillness. He was just nervous. He kissed Alfred back with all of the passion and love he could. He was too afraid to say it now, but he knew this feeling was love. It had to be love.

They kissed wildly and passionately for what seemed like hours. Their tongues danced together, making them both shiver and moan. Alfred's hand slowly snaked up Arthur's shirt, making his entire body shudder. He rubbed his fingers around the sensitive pink nubs, making Arthur gasp and moan. Alfred continued to play with Arthur's nipples gently until he felt how hard he was getting. It was becoming painful as his cock was being smothered by his jeans. He unbuttoned Arthur's shirt, allowing the smaller man's body to breathe. They were both sweating and panting. Alfred started to unbutton Arthur's slacks, but stopped when the smaller man froze.

"What's wrong?" He looked into Arthur's eyes and saw how nervous he was. Alfred gently stroked his face and kissed him gently. "It'll be okay…I'll go slow, just tell me if I need to stop…" Arthur relaxed and let Alfred finish with his pants. Alfred chuckled quietly as he saw how erect Arthur's cock was. He rubbed it gently through Arthur's underwear, gaining a moan from the smaller man.

He continued with this, completely content with Arthur's loud moans and mewls, until Arthur suddenly cried out and started holding on tightly to him.

"A-Alfred….~! I-I want you~~!" Alfred blushed slightly and nodded, unable to think of anything else to say. He unbuttoned his pants and used Arthur's pre-cum to lubricate his entrance. Arthur groaned and shivered, he was so hard he couldn't stand it, and what would normally feel very strange, felt good in some way.

Arthur felt Alfred's cock pressing against his entrance, and he was nervous again. Alfred must have noticed because he gently kissed him again and rubbed his nipples lightly. In the moment that he relaxed, Alfred pushed inside of him. Arthur cried out in pain and trembled slightly.

"Shh…" Alfred rubbed his cheeks and panted heavily. This felt so damn good! "J-just tell me when…"

After a while, Arthur started to feel himself adjusting around Alfred's large cock. He soon felt relaxed enough for Alfred to move. He wanted Alfred to move.

"P-please~ Go now~" Alfred nodded and started thrusting slowly. Arthur shivered and moaned quietly. This felt oddly amazing to him. After a while, Arthur started bucking his hips and moaning loudly. He wanted Alfred to…to what? He couldn't even think straight anymore.

Suddenly, Alfred hit a spot inside him that had Arthur seeing white.

"R-right…there….!" He moaned loudly and shivered. Alfred hit his good spot over and over until Arthur finally tightened and came hard. Alfred moaned and came hard inside him. He laid next to an exhausted Arthur and held him close. He yawned.

"I-I…I love you…" Alfred whispered. Arthur shivered and blushed.

"I-I love you too…"

Alfred and Arthur ended up being a day late to Paris and they didn't show up for the first meeting. Everyone just assumed that their story about getting stuck was true, which it was…halfway. They both agreed not to let anyone know until both of them were ready, or until they got caught stealing a kiss in the hall, whatever comes first.


	2. Author's note

**Author's note~**

I've been thinking about making this a two-shot, but I've become discouraged by the lack of reviews. I have had a steady amount of views, but no reviews. I need to know what people are thinking about this story before I decide to continue. Please, guys, help me out. Do you want a sequel or not? Do you even like the story? As long as your review isn't hateful, I don't care what your opinion is, just GIVE ME YOUR DAMN THOUGHTS! Thank you for reading my little rant, and PLEASE review! :)


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